Craving for more, I am a girl, Passing Woman, Volatile bodies

Sugar, Spice And Everything Nice

I have never been skinny. I’ve always been of a roundish shape, even as little. I’m fairly dainty in size, short and tender, but I am not skinny. After high school it kind of hit me for the first time. I’ll get fat if I don’t change something. I’m an emotional eater and enjoy tickling my senses. I’d been cradling myself with sugar, I guess it was not unlike a drug to me.

I tend to lose weight if I’m sad or stressed. I tend to gather weight when I’m really happy. Now I have a new job – and all the old ones, too. In just two weeks I’ve lost so much weight I was able to put on jeans I wore last (I have pictorial evidence!) in the spring of 2005. At that point I had a strict regime, cycling 4 times a week, working out 3 times a week. And I ate healthy.

So, what has changed? How could I have lost a significant amount of weight without lifting a finger?

I’ve been enjoying a glass of red every night. I’ve been sampling different kinds of cheeses. And I’ve been cycling to a beach near by almost every night.

The thing is. When I don’t have time to think about food, I don’t get so hungry. I eat just enough to stay focused. It might seem indulgent to eat a cheese platter for dinner, but think about it this way, I don’t eat much else. Main ingredients I eat are meat, cheese, eggs, yoghurt, milk and green things. It’s just impossible to eat as much (calories – counting them: been there, done that) if  you don’t eat wheat, potatoes, rice.

All the cookies and pastries people bring to work? They don’t interest me. Low fat things in which fat has been replaced by corn starch. That’s basicly clean sugar for the body. It’s the afrodisiac, the drug, the caffeine. You always need more. Still those things, she said with disdain, don’t have enough calories to be worthy of carrying around, let alone swallowing.

It’s just such an ordeal to talk with women. Because everyone is on a diet. And by diet I don’t mean they eat healthy food, by diet I mean they fight hunger until nausea, they eat too little and turn down all fat and red meat. I am not dieting. This is the way I feel best. Without the corn starch, without the high and low of sugar, with the full benefits for my orifices from a healthy amount of both vegetable and animal, both saturated and unsaturated oil.

So, there. That’s my secret. I look pretty cute in my tight jeans and in my old skirts and. Well, you get the drift. And I can’t say I mind drinking wine and writing here, either. I’m just waiting for the cheeses to warm up.


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