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Just A Friendly Status Report

Hey, guys! I noticed someone is reading me in the google reader. Because I’m not an astronaut or a nought of any kind, just a humanist, I don’t claim to know how those readers work, but I’ve been hearing rumours that they only show the first draft. I almost always publish the post, and then edit it a lot, when it’s already on display. I also add paragraphs of text.

I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just too eager or too impatient. I’m just worried (Can I worry about this or is it too narcissitic?) that you might end up reading a blog text that’s vastly different than the one I finally come up with. Also, my eye-blindingly shameful typos and other heart warming misspelling incidenst should not be reviewed by anyone. There’s enough of it here, even after I’m done.

Just saying.

But glad that you read my thoughts, either way!

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5 thoughts on “Just A Friendly Status Report

  1. mousie762 says:

    I tend to do the same post-then-edit thing, and I also worry about people reading the early version. I don’t think it’s so much narcissistic as insecure; what impression will they get from the version that I didn’t tighten up? What impression will they get from the version that’s up there?

    BTW, though I often have no interesting comment I read everything you post here.

  2. Maybe it’s also about something being ready. I’m a writer, I can’t shake it. It bothers me if I “publish” something that is clearly not ready. Loads of mistakes or a structure that doesn’t make sense or the text lacks something essential to the theme. Those are the things I usually end up editing afterwards. It’s just that if I don’t hit the publish button, the texts usually end up in draft archives, and later on I just don’t feel that attached to the subject anymore. I have always 5-10 drafts waiting for me, but I usually just end up deleting them. And that’s a shame.

    But yeah. Of course it’s the insecurities. Will they still like me? Will they think I’m stupid for getting that wrong? Will they understand what I was trying to say, when there wasn’t yet enough to describe it or I didn’t do it that well? Well, those questions haunt every writer. Why would bloggers be any different, even though it’s supposed to be the media without any consideration for the public.

  3. I’m happy to hear you read my blog! (And maybe a bit self-aware and ashamed, too.) When I don’t get much feedback, it feels though no one really reads these things. Which might also be good considering the very sensitive nature of what I write. I have no pressure. Most of the time.

    This blog is meant to be self-reflective, not a battleground for what’s wrong and what’s not. I’m happy I haven’t been spotted by anyone not kinky and wanting to make clear how fucked up I must be. That could be quite awful.

    Feel free to drop a comment, though, even if you don’t have that meaningful thoughts on the subject. It’s nice to have positive commenter in the midst. I know exactly how you feel, because I kinda wanted to comment your latest blog post, but then I got tangled up with my thoughts and somehow convinced myself that what I was going to say wasn’t that enlightening anyway. 🙂

  4. mousie762 says:

    Please don’t be ashamed! The self-reflective nature of your blog is why I read it. Much of what you share is kink experiences that are very personal to you, so you might fear they are not appealing to everyone; and yeah, everyone’s kinks are a little different than everyone else’s. But you’re not writing mere porn stories here. You’re sharing from your heart, and illustrating Wonderboy’s, and you have beautiful hearts and a beautiful relationship.

  5. Thank you, Mousie, for your generous words.

    I am, or was, a bit afraid it might seem all cheap thrill and no reason or heart from the outside. From the inside it’s hard to tell anymore. Yeah, it’s personal and even… well, as I spoke with Ranat (over at her place or here, can’t seem to remember now), these are the secrets and thoughts I haven’t shared with anyone, if Wonderboy doesn’t count. I can’t trust my friends and family to understand and I really don’t even feel the need to try anymore. I’ve spoken with them, but we haven’t discussed. Probably because they just haven’t got anything to give. And it’s quite alright. A while back neither did I. But I need to share with someone other than Wonderboy to not feel ashamed, dislocated and tangled up.

    I sometimes also worry how our relationship seems to the readers in the interwebs (especially since many of the hits I get are porn related). Maybe I’m neurotic in thinking that my experiences could be used against women as a whole in a way of “See, she likes deepthroating and being fucked in the ass, so should you if you’re not a prude”. It’s really nice to hear you say those beautiful things about us, just by reading this blog. Gives me good faith.

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