BDSM, Love, Volatile bodies

The Way Things Are

I’m tired, cranky and sick. Not really sick, just enough under the weather that I can’t think straight.

I’ve been silently appreciating what Holly has to say about homosexuality and how she always has such good anecdotes too.

If Thumper opened a door in me for chastity play, Holly’s opened the door for polygamy. I don’t want to do it myself, but I can understand, for the first time how it must feel to be the ummfriend, and to know that you can never be anything else. It’s devastating.

Wonderboy fucked my ass on friday and then pounded me saturday and sunday, even though he’s a little sick, too. It’s been best sex ever, in all it’s glorious aspects, and that’s probably why I don’t feel like writing about it. I don’t seem to capture what’s going on between us. it’s just action after action of the same thing. He fucked me, he turned me around, he fucked me again. It’s not even important, the position, the actual act. But him. The way we are. What he means to me, how he opens me up, how I’m not afraid anymore. How he’s not afraid anymore and shows it in a way that sometimes scares me a bit, before I fall into oblivion.

He knows me better than I know myself. He underlines, he finds, he pushes, he tries, he loves and gives and surrenders.

I’m so happy that when I sit in my car driving to work I almost always cry a little. That’s the way things are now. I love my boy.

And I better be pregnant. Dammit.

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7 thoughts on “The Way Things Are

  1. mousie762 says:

    It’s not even important, the position, the actual act. But him. The way we are. What he means to me

    That does come through, at least to some of us. I’ll confess something, I skim a bit, when it comes to the details. You are describing things from your point of view, so the focus of your description is a man. Someone mayl call this homophobia, but I just don’t enjoy the steamy details about a man. I don’t think it’s fair to call that homophobia; would it be heterophobia if a gay man didn’t enjoy porn of women? It’s just taste. (Though I should probably be learning from the details for when I’m playing the dom.)

    Anyway, it’s super hard to communicate the meanings behind the acts. They are complicated and layered and nuanced. And they just don’t come across if stated baldly. Telling the stories is the only way to communicate it.

    I’m going to try to restate the two biggest things I’m getting, but of course my whole point is that this restatement will not do them justice. The two biggest things I’m getting are, how tender, caring love can be expressed in ways that are not superficially or stereotypically tender and loving, when it’s between the right people;
    and that a man really can be physically, sexually desirable to a woman (which is as you know is a major personal hangup of mine).

  2. I can understand the skimming, but then, when I think about what you say is the second major thing you’re getting from my thoughts, it’s exactly the bit you’re skimming. I mean that’s just what I’m doing after all. Celebrating the male as an object of my desire, even when I’m being passive.

    I recognize that many women either don’t enjoy reading, watching or hearing about men in detail or are too well adjusted to the male gaze to admit it. I know this because most of the porn I’ve read for my own amusement and also professionaly, even the porn written by women, didn’t have female perspective. If it did it was usually too focused on the female body – like basic porn is. I’m (well, not heterosexual) but bi, and when I want to see, hear, read or taste hetero sex, I expect it to involve the man. I am already the woman. I don’t need to read about that. That doesn’t excite me. What excites me is the excitement of others.

    But I’d have expected, like you say, that men are in desperate need of women who say out loud how they love men. And I do mean how. I don’t expect you’d really necessarily learn anything from me, or us, because people are so different and everything depends on your relationship with the person you’re doing it with. But I guess it can still be kind of healing to read how I embrace (well, try to anyway) the stereotypical role and make it mine. Make it into something else. Transform.

    I didn’t believe it was possible when I started this blog. I didn’t even admit that it was what we were doing. What I was doing. But I’ve seen the light. This is what I need and desire. And it’s all so normal, so much a part of our everyday lives, our subconscious but also our driving mind, our senses.

  3. mousie762 says:

    I can understand the skimming, but then, when I think about what you say is the second major thing you’re getting from my thoughts, it’s exactly the bit you’re skimming.

    Kind of a Catch-22, isn’t it? But I think when I say skimming I’m reading how you feel about him, without much building the pictures in my mind that you are describing. Normally I’m a pretty detailed reader. If someone is presenting a picture in words, I reconstruct it in my mind without thinking about reconstructing. When I say skim in this context, I’m just not reconstructing in my usual detail. I don’t have any idea what Wonderboy looks like, I don’t remember any physical details you’ve given, but usually I remember that kind of thing remarkably well. (I have a vague idea that he’s big and tall, but maybe that’s just normal male-female size difference.)

    Here’s a recent example. You mentioned not being able to take your eyes off his cock, him flapping his cock against his thighs, and I took note of that because if I ever thought of a woman reacting to a cock when it wasn’t erect, it was with boredom. But I didn’t build the usual detailed mental picture. (At least until revisiting this trying to explain it.)

    Just to add another ironic element, if you didn’t provide the details I’m not interested in, the whole thing wouldn’t work because I would feel like you didn’t care about the details. The details aren’t the point for me, but your interest in them is the point.

    I don’t expect you’d really necessarily learn anything from me, or us, because people are so different and everything depends on your relationship with the person you’re doing it with.

    But I do learn from you two. Yes, people are different, but in this area, a single example is a really big deal.

    Thank you.

  4. Wow. Thank you. It feels so good to be making a difference I’ve wanted to see. And I see I’m making it when you say that you thought women wouldn’t care for penis(es) if it’s not erect.

    Wonderboy used to feel that way too. He felt insulted if I tried to touch him there, when it was in its mole rat state. He said he felt ashamed because it looked so sad, and he wanted to hide it. I never even thought about the negative consequences of penis being there, out in the open. The humiliation of it shrinking, being wet or dirty or something. But it’s still the penis I love. It’s magic, the way it can grow and move. Its silky feel. I do love it! It’s wonderful. Watching it makes me smile. It’s sweet and tender and so… fragile. And I wish all men would know that. I am not judging, I am just appreaciating. Marveling.

  5. It’s funny…I identify as dominant, but the way you talk about submission is so beautiful it makes me a little sniffly. It’s not that I’m becoming sub-curious, it’s that I’m seeing your dynamic from the other side: the feeling of safety you describe with WonderBoy is exactly what I’m trying to create for my Minx. I think I’ve succeeded, so far.

    He felt insulted if I tried to touch him there, when it was in its mole rat state.

    As far as I know, none of my partners have felt this way; and thank god because I like my partner’s penis in every possible state. I wish I got to see the transition from soft to hard more often, actually. Most of the time a guy’s erection seems to just be there, instantly, and I’m like “What the hell? How’d you do that so fast, and why did it not cause a sonic boom?”

    It’s magic, the way it can grow and move. Its silky feel. I do love it! It’s wonderful. Watching it makes me smile. It’s sweet and tender and so… fragile. And I wish all men would know that. I am not judging, I am just appreaciating. Marveling.

    THIS THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS.

  6. Sub-curious! That’s the funniest thing. Like girls in high school, trying kissing for the first times or trying to get attention from guys. (I sure did use that to my advantage, though. And not to attract the guys, either.) I’m kind of dom-curious myself, but only in the teensiest way. I’m really drawn to the whole strap-on thing. On the other hand, I don’t see why it had to be domly in any sense. I guess I’d bring my own meanings to the act.

    You’re a great dom (Can I say that? Dom, I mean.) if you can create that kind of safety and serenity. It’s magical, and I don’t think it’s something almost anyone can fabricate. Most of the (men) I’ve met haven’t been as brave and as perceptive as Wonderboy. And I think, fro em, that’s the most important thing. I can trust he notices when something’s not right. I can also trust he picks up hints and carries on, brings me to new heights because he sees me and hears me in a way I was never heard before.

  7. Well, sometimes the erection does take me by surprise, but maybe because I’ve usually been the one with the higher libido in my relationships, I’ve met the mole rat more than once. But I do think many guys have difficulties accepting it, when it doesn’t get up. There’s just no way around it. I thought about the aggressive way to turn down advantages some men (have) had and I realized that they probably felt a little self-conscious and threatened, because It wouldn’t get up, and it’s implied that it always, always does. We are human after all.

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