BDSM, Pregnancy, Submissive tendencies, Unanticipated Satisfaction, What Women Really Want, Wonderboy

The Wrongest Thing

You know what the most craziest thing we’ve done recently was? The most exhilarating and mind-blowing thing. It was when yesterday I tried to fix things gone a little weary from trying for a baby. I said: You can watch porn and I’ll lick you.

We talked some more, mainly about the fact that getting pregnant is not more important than a satisfying and happy sex life, not even for me. I tried to relieve Wonderboy’s pressure on impregnating me and started to describe all the acts he could do to me. This was after he’d said he didn’t want anything or didn’t know what he wanted – and had not finished the day before when we’d had sex. I knew I don’t want anything wasn’t anything more than a smokescreen for hiding his uncertainty and fear. I described the way he could mold my buttocks while fucking me, if he chose to. I described how he could roll me over and take me from behind, push his finger in my ass and fuck me senseless.

This is a way I’ve learned to deal with Wonderboy’s panic attacks. It’s the way I can show him I want the same things he wants. That he isn’t perverted and bad, that we share the same desire despite everything that’s gone awry. We cuddled for a while there, and then he asked, with a shy smile.

Would you really be willing to do it? To suck me while I watch porn?

A thrill went trough my body and ended up in my pussy, pulsing with warmth. Shivers went down my spine. It caught me by surprise. I always surprise myself when it comes to things I want in sex. My subconscious had spoken and I had in no way admitted to myself that the thing I said was the thing I wanted.

Yes, I smiled the way I do, when I’m expecting sex. Hungry. I reveal my teeth more from under my upper lip. Like wolves. I wouldn’t have said it otherwise. It was true – I realized it while I was releasing the words from my mouth. I don’t let myself know I know what I want.

Wonderboy still looked a little uncertain, questioning, so I said.

I like the oppressive undertone it has.

Yeah, I like that too he said, maybe a little relieved. I just thought that maybe you wouldn’t see it that way.

No no, that’s what makes me hot about it. I got aroused just now, when you asked about it.

Well alright then. Go on and lick me while I look at some porn. Wonderboy is wonderful that way, he almost never says suck me off or something like that. Not when he’s really asking. When we play, then he can say stuff like that. But at first it’s usually less intimidatingly stated as licking. I like the way it sounds. It pushes some buttons in me, wanting to be with women and transgender folk, too. Wanting to be less burdened by our actual genders and heterosexuality.

He put a laptop on his bellybutton and I dived under it. After a while of clicking we got into the rhytm. It was only a couple or five clicks after he’d found what he wanted. I thought, for a second, that as a woman I can never find anything that works for me that fast – and even when I do find it, I have to imagine a lot and use it in a way it wasn’t meant to be used. I wasn’t really angry or anything, it just occured to me, that his fantasies are being catered to, which might have something to do with him accepting his desires to dom more than my feeble attempt to accept my own inclinations. (Much like Maymay describes his obstacles in finding porn to relate to as a submissive man.) I’d never want to see this acted out, it would make me sick, because it wouldn’t be from my perspective. And it wouldn’t be for me, either.

I licked him, petted him, sucked him, and after a minute or two he already had to hold me back because he was about to come. Already? I thought with amusement and delight. It was funny because I was (and am) so into swallowing his balls whole and throating his cock that I lost sight of the situation. It stopped being arousing because of the oppressiveness of the act and the porn, and started to be more about the fact that he was so hot, so close to coming so quick.

Next time, we should leave the sounds on, I said to him after we’ve both come. For me to be more in tune, too.

Yeah, okay, he said. I can see how that could be important to you. Maybe next time he’ll dare to leave the sounds on.

When we had finished, he quickly stashed the porn and cleared his browsing history, stating in a funny way, how he didn’t want me to see what he had been looking at. He felt too self-conscious. It was too cute, but I didn’t want to see. I was afraid about how I’d feel. It was weird in a deeply intimate and exhilirating way to be made into a mere tool, to be a part of his secret sexuality. It was like he was masturbating with my mouth, and I guess that’s why it was so quick. He didn’t have to concern himself with me at all. It was just about his fantasies, his cock, his desire.

We both were still smiling doopily in the morning, caressing, kissing, bursting into a giggle that lead into more kissing. That’s the most extreme thing we’ve done in a long while. Just goes to show how showing off with ropes and blindfolds and hard banging in the ass is not necessarily the world’s fucking hottest and wrongest thing to do. It’s all in our heads’.


11 thoughts on “The Wrongest Thing

  1. mousie762 says:

    It’s sad to hear he suffers from the same sort of insecurities as I, but it’s also comforting to know I’m not the only one. I love your way of dealing with it.

  2. Well, love is not all for nothing, is it? I have been trying three years to deal with his insecurities, (and he obviously with mine!) so I’ve found some ways. But there’s no magic button. It doesn’t always “work”. I’m glad it did this time, though. We got to experience something new that was such a huge turn on and a really meaningful play-experience, but doesn’t sound like much.

    Wonderboy even admitted to have thought about this particular fantasy for some time now, but he couldn’t find a way to bring it to the table, because he was so worried (rightly so) that I would feel hurt and wouldn’t feel the same way about the oppressiveness. It’s such a thin line between powerful fantasies and torching up both of our insecurities…

    I’m really sorry to hear you have the same kind of insecurities. I don’t know if that’s a thing you can conquer by yourself; it could be. We have been doing this in our relationship, and it’s made things harder for us, but I guess that’s why we are so committed to each other and feel such deep and encompassing love. Because it’s such a huge deal to get accepted. The world doesn’t accept what we do or who we are. But if we do, then it doesn’t matter.

  3. mousie762 says:

    I don’t think there is a way of addressing them now, because whether it’s insecurity or legitimate fear depends on one’s partner. If my partner accepts the kink, then it’s an insecurity, even if she doesn’t want to participate; as long as she’s OK with discussing it. If she is upset by the idea of it, then it’s not insecurity but legitimate fear.

    BTW, my separated wife and I explored this one once at my suggestion. When she was very tired, we put on some porn for women, and I sat behind her on the couch with her snuggled back against me, and reached around to stroke her with my hand. It didn’t do a lot for her because like lots of women she didn’t get much from porn. When she asked about the other way around, I said I wouldn’t be comfortable with it; that was because her ex had cheated on her and their sex tended to consist primarily of her posing and him masturbating. I didn’t want to bring up either of those memories.

  4. …But at first it’s usually less intimidatingly stated as licking. I like the way it sounds. It pushes some buttons in me, wanting to be with women and transgender folk, too. Wanting to be less burdened by our actual genders and heterosexuality.

    Oh. Oh MY. I like this blog. I might stay a while. ❤

  5. AssMan says:

    My girl sucks me off all the time while I watch porn. We both love it! She likes to see how fast she can make me cum…like a competition with herself. I leave the sound on…so we can both hear it. It really gets me off knowing that she is listening to some porno chick beg to get fucked in the ass…or telling the guy to pull out of her ass so she can “taste her ass” on the guys cock, ass to mouth. It’s all mental…she knows I’m wishing it was me the porno chick is talking to…and it’s great! The best thing is when I put on a POV blowjob video…full screen…with the girl on her knees…and my girl gets on her knees between me and the TV…and sucks me off while I watch the porno. We have a full length mirror set up behind me…so my girl is seeing and hearing what I am…and it makes it so hot. She is physically sucking me while she is watching the porno chick “virtually” sucking me. It’s awesome…and the mental aspect makes it so much better. We also do the same thing while assfucking…I fuck her in the ass doggy style while we watch a POV doggy style assfucking video. She knows I’m imagining that I’m fucking the porno chick in her ass…and I know she is imagining that it is her getting fucked by the big porno cock. It’s a two way street…and the mental aspect of it is so strong.

  6. I love that you have found something that works for you. For me thinking that it’s the porno chick or guy who you really wanna fuck is wrong on so many levels. I couldn’t do that at all, if I thought like that.

    It’s degrading in a good way to put the porno on and get turned on by it, by other people fucking or other women’s bodies and not mine, but it would never work for me, if I thought that Wondeboy actually wanted to fuck that other chick rather than me. I’d think that something’s wrong. Same goes with watching porn while fucking. I love it that Wonderboy is mesmerized by my ass and is paying all his attention to me.

    But the mental aspect of it is obviously the fact that you are only using the other one for your pleasure, just like you are using the porn videos or pics. Sounds real awesome with the mirror and all so she can see what you see.

  7. AssMan says:

    I can appreciate your position, but please understand, she is a VERY willing participant…and this is not an every time thing…only when we are really feeling particularly dirty. I have all of our POV blowjob videos edited so that the thumbnail icon shows the girl’s face looking up at the camera, with a cock in her mouth, and my girl picks out the porn girl that I’ll be watching virtually suck me off. I let her choose the girl I’m going to be fantasizing about. That mental part of it makes it so much hotter. Also, while I’m fucking her in the ass as we watch a POV assfucking video, she says things like, “Her asshole looks so tight. I bet you wish your cock was buried in her ass right now, don’t you?” and “I know you want her to drop to her knees and suck your cock when you pull it out of her tight asshole, just like she just did to him?”, right before she does the same for me. I even try to gape her ass when the girl on screen gets her ass gaped. Maybe we are just degenerate perverts, but we both enjoy it, so it’s all good. No feelings are getting hurt, trust me. We have been together for many, many years.

  8. Maybe we are just degenerate perverts, but we both enjoy it, so it’s all good.

    I don’t believe you are bad at all. And I really don’t mean to judge what makes you happy.

    Also, now that you give more details, I can see how this thing works out for you and her, and understand maybe more how she gets off on it too. Sounds good to me!

    I am just different and, for now, can’t see that kind of a thing really arousing for me. I’d just feel too threatened even thinking about it that way. For me porn has to be just what it is, pictures of people fucking, so I can incorporate them into our sex life or even my own. Though, it’s been a long time since any of that happened, and I have to say that I’m happy about that. Especially since I feel that Wonderboy gives me different kind of attention now. I’m big on being used and into consensual non-consent, but I’m not so big on feeling inadequate or replacable. That makes my heart sink. I can understand how it intertwines with these desires of submission, hell I even had kind of a cuckold fantasy once, but it’s just too much for me emotionally to really explore. And that’s okay.

    I still hear you and am happy that you can explore it and have had a fun time exploring it. It isnt’ exactly easy to get to that stage, I’m sure.

  9. AssMan says:

    Thank you for your responses. This is one of the most intelligent discussions I’ve ever had on the internet, especially ironic when you consider the subject matter. You’re right, it took us a long time to get to this point…many, many years. We’re both perverts, no question about that, and we’ve both got a bit of an exhibitionist streak, even so far as me occasionally bending her over and fucking her in front of our floor to ceiling windows in our Vegas hotel rooms when we’re really feeling it. You would think the next step would be swinging, but that will never happen. We have discussed it, and it just comes with too many possible downsides that it is just not worth it. The interest is just not there. We’re happy being perverts with each other and no one else. Anyways…thanks for the conversation.

  10. I hear you completely on the swinging. We had a discussion about other people too, and it didn’t go that well. Except now we know we can’t do it. And why should we – or you? It’s not like we’re being graded for “opening up and liberating ourselves” and I don’t even think that threesomes or swinging are somehow higher on the grade level either. I think that, if you can find a connection, listen and change and reciprocate as needed with your partner and can fully explore your fantasies, you’re already doing as well as you can possibly hope. However you want to do it, is up to you. And I think you’ve found a wonderful way! Just like we are, sometimes struggling, to find ours.

    Thanks for your comments too. It’s nice to hear our experiences resonate with other people such as yourself.

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