Clarisse Thorn remarks very insightfully that being tied up is totally boring on its own. BDSM is not just abut the props and the acts, it’s about emotions. There needs to be a connection between the one doing the tying up and the one restraint. Clarisse also remarks that she doesn’t like it, or it irritates her, if the one who has tied her up is acting nice. She needs for her submission to become real, to surface, the other one to act mean. This made me think how the exact same kind of lust and need can have different kinds of manifestations.
I don’t like it if they are mean to me. But I love it when they are really, really nice, but saying horrible things. (This might of course constitute to being mean.)
Yesterday we had sex and Wonderboy said things during the act that surface from time to time. I love it when he talks like that, and it always is very close to bring me to an orgasm by itself. But it’s hard for him to maintain that kind of an act. He confessed after the fact that he had thought, if I would be able to still accept what happened afterwards or would I feel betrayed and blame him like I have at some point in our relationship. It felt bad to hear that his source of uncertainty comes from me, but it also felt good, because yesterday I felt no such thing. I have changed. We have changed. I didn’t reconsider everything. I felt fulfilled and happy. There was no sign of the anguish that I sometimes fall in to.
What kinds of things does he say, then, to get me off (and him, obviously)? It’s not so much what he says, but how he says it. He held me, fucking me very hard, and whispered in a smooth, warm voice: You are nothing but a fuck-toy to me. I’m just using you. It is of course mean to say that kind of a thing, but the way he says it changes everything. I feel loved, because I know he’s doing it for me. He is living up our shared fantasy. So, I don’t feel torned at all, and I can’t see him acting mean. He’s just doing what works best. Not letting me have any options.