BDSM, Self-Questioning, What Women Really Want, Wonderboy

Minute Or Two

We had normal sex. I was on top, he was fondling my breasts and sucking on them… And after a minute or two (or perhaps 15) he came. Wow. I didn’t know we could do that. I didn’t come, but mostly because it was such a short match. This was because he has been without an orgasm from sunday and I haven’t.

Before I could persuade him to join me in a tumble he said, that he had kind of felt like playing with himself in the past few days even though he had been a bit sad and tired, but he felt he had to save himself for me. I’m overjoyed that he’s gentle and loving like that, but it’s not cool for him to resent me for it then later on. I was not asking for it, though I have to admit that I’d been pretty sour if I’d found out about it, because I was in the mood to have sex, but I saw he was not and played with myself because of that.

But I wonder. Was one of the reasons I didn’t come, because we weren’t really playing hard ball like we use to? It might also be, because he got to choose the style, the rhythm, the touching, and I was bound by my role as a submissive. Which wasn’t even prominent at all! But he doesn’t let me do a lot, he wants to guide me and move my body like he likes it and he keeps changing rhythm to match his desire. I don’t know how to address this. Sometimes I just do what I like and he lets me and enjoys it entirely and thoroughly, because it’s obviously really hot when your wife (I almost wrote girlfriend, boy will I ever get used to being married?) goes crazy from lust…

But then again, most of the time it’s a downer for him, and he will forcefully stop me or just plain stop everything till we sort it out. So I don’t feel I’m actually free to do what I like. Although I guess I should feel that way.

So, we had sex that was not so much a play of dominance and submission, but in my head it was… and that made me think if things are right? Yeah, it’s not hard at all to live this life and have these contradicting desires!

He finished me off with his tongue even though I’m menstruating, and no it’s not a submissive thing, it’s just an egalitarian thing. (He came, so I should too, and hands and dildos just aren’t enough – and he knows it.) After I came, we kissed and I rolled over and saw the blood was spilled. So was the seed. There’s a nice bloody stream of semen trailing our white bedding now.

And here I end my story. Wasn’t it wonderful?

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3 thoughts on “Minute Or Two

  1. ophelia24 says:

    I certainly don’t know the dynamics of your relationship well at all, but the lack of equity you mentioned regarding direction/control certainly gave me pause. “He doesn’t let me” sounds kind of scary to me. Maybe it’s inside of the frame of sub/dom, but if not that’s significantly different than “he doesn’t enjoy it when I” or “he would rather;” it’s about control. And if that control is outside of the consensual dynamics of your sexplay, that certainly sounds like something to talk about.

    Your last paragraph certainly indicates that he appreciates a kind of fairness (he orgasms, so should you if it’s what you want), so I guess I wonder why that wouldn’t translate to who directs the sex. If it’s what you want, I hope you can find some compromise. Because you certainly deserve getting/acting upon what you want (consensually, of course).

    But again, I don’t know the full dynamics in play here, so I hope you won’t see this as presumptuous.

    [Thank you for your comment on my blog, by the way! I’m glad it resonated with you, and I truly hope you’ve found/are continually finding ways to healthily express your desires.]
    -Juliet

  2. Juliet,

    I certainly don’t know the dynamics of your relationship well at all, but the lack of equity you mentioned regarding direction/control certainly gave me pause. “He doesn’t let me” sounds kind of scary to me.

    It sound scary to me too, when I read your comment. I have to admit that it’s mostly my problem. I feel like I can’t or he wouldn’t let me or that my role as a submissive (the problem is entwined in this wording) doesn’t allow it. But that is entirely my problem. He is trying to fulfill my desires. He is usually not even able to come unless I come first. So, it’s kind of a new thing for us that he would fuck me and come, just like that, like he didn’t care if I enjoyed or not. It makes me insanely hot, but it also makes me kind of sad and angry, and that leads me to doubt myself and then him too. But I’m working on it, I really am.

  3. Juliet,

    [Thank you for your comment on my blog, by the way! I’m glad it resonated with you, and I truly hope you’ve found/are continually finding ways to healthily express your desires.]

    It was an important post. I do think the ways I express my desires are healthy and they do make me happy. The problem is usually that I can’t express my desires… and that is not healthy. But I have been getting better at it, and Wonderboy has been reassuring and loving and gentle and done everything I’ve asked of him. Just because I wanted it.

    Hope you can find/keep finding ways to healthily and happily express your sexuality too! I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with rape fantasies. They are just hard to explain to anyone. 🙂

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