Hurting, Pregnancy, Volatile bodies


Incidently: My period started a week after they should’ve. The test had been negative, but I still clinged to hope, and was devastated.

A couple days later I spent some time puking on the freeway one night, cars speeding by in the darkness. I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t breath, my hands were shaking (my arms were shaking) and I felt dizzy. I had to make two stops before we got home. I’m so happy I happened to have Wonderboy there giving me water and hugging me, telling me I wasn’t going to die. It might have been an overdose on painkillers; it felt quite similar to the reaction I get in the dentist when they pump me full of whatever it is they use to inflict local anasthesia. Like an allergic reaction.

I had been so sick, I couldn’t walk properly. The day had been long, and I was in pain. And suddenly I couldn’t feel my stomach at all.

I still feel an occasional dull pressure on my right ovary or the right side of my uterus. It’s the same place where I first felt the embryo cling to last summer.

I’ ve finally made an appointment to see a gynecologist. It’s still two weeks away, because I insisted on seeing a woman. I really just need to talk to someone, who can give me some options on what the fuck is happening with my body.

Wish me luck.


3 thoughts on “Worries

  1. Pingback: Negotiating and Trust « Past the Hurt

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