As I read this, Getting into BDSM vol 2 by Holly at The Pervocracy, a worthy and enlighting commentary on how to behave yourself and what to expect from play parties, a matter I have thought of infrequently, I had a vision.
I was being whipped. I was on all fours in our bed and someone was whipping me. I’ve never before fantasized about really being whipped or flogged. I never even fantasize about being slapped – and that is a definate imperative in our sex life. And now I saw the appeal of play parties. It gives such a good excuse to do just that. Because sometimes sex is not even expected. Sometimes the only thing that’s expected is the BDSM play.
(I’m sorry for using the whole acronym most of the time, it’s just I can’t decide what I’m pointing my finger at – binding or dominating or perhaps hurting. So, I use the whole thing to get to more important things.)
This is the thing we’ve been talking about. I’ve been, for the first time in my life, really examining what I need, and come to the decision that I need rough d/s play. Just sole play for play’s sake. It can and mostly will be followed by sex, but it’s a different need. A different kind of aroused state. Itchy for something more.
It’s such a relieving thing to understand. It’s such a relief to be able to fantasize or even visualise something I want, for me. That I’m in the picture I’m visualising, as a participant. It’s new and exciting. I feel so whole all of a sudden.
I really, really, really just want to be whipped. It’s funny that I never knew. I don’t know why, but now I know that’s what I want. It might not have anything to do with sex, as a part of sex, but it might as well. And why would that even matter? I’m sure somewhere someone would say that kissing has no part in sex. And they’d have the right to feel so. Why can’t I have my desires fulfilled without fitting them in a frame that probably never fits anyone? Unless they’re lying, of course.
Lately my desires, visions and fantasies have been going in a certain direction. They are all spesific scenes that have no intercourse in them. Whipping, bondage, submission, teasing, restraining, talking dirty, threatening me. But no sex.
I never though I’d see the day. I’m a bit nervious to brake these fantasies to Wonderboy. I tried, with the lamp hook bondage play, and he just said: That sounds too scary. Still some way to go. Or is it grow?