Passing Woman, Pregnancy, Volatile bodies

I want a baby

Wellp, it was as nice as it can be. The doctor was thoughtful and gentle and the nurse was very nice. They did a generic pelvic exam and an ultrasound of my uterus again. Funny thing was, now Wonderboy was right there, watching my moving uterus from the screen. They joked, that it’s the beauty within that counts. It was so cute and kind, I almost burst into tears.

We’ll get the sperm tested next. I suggested this Friday, but Wonderboy is not sure yet. It’ll take a couple of weeks to get the results anyway, and by then the hospital will have gone to a summer break. This means, that we’ll have to wait until August to get me tested. But we’ll know, if Wonderboy’s sperm’s okay in a few weeks. I think this was the first time ever he took any of this seriously. Now he’s the one being tested, and he can’t just put it out of his mind like with my tests and grief.

I still have a very slim hope, that I’m just gonna get pregnant in the Summer. Maybe having a real vacation for a first time in my life will spawn many children? But if not, August will take us back to the nice doctor’s office.

But I am so relieved to be finally taking the first steps to getting this thing sorted. I can’t just wait around for it to happen forever. Because I really want to have a child. With Wonderboy. And we’ve been trying for a year now. It’s a really long wait for something this colossal.


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