We sorted things out last night. Late last night. Wonderboy confessed that he didn’t want to say anything before, because you never enjoy like that. That is so incredibly sweet and thoughtful, although totally misguided, I couldn’t very well be very angry with him after that.
The same thing used to happen the other way around, so we had a reference point for the conversation. First Wonderboy accused me of being incredibly self-centered and said that our sex is not just for you. But that’s exactly what I was hurt about. At first he didn’t quite want to admit it.
I used the same reference point to show Wonderboy, how he himself had felt in those situations. It’s awful to learn later that the other one actually wasn’t enjoying that much but rather keeping me company. He totally admitted the miscalculation there. He said that he just wanted to see me enjoy myself, as it is and has been rather rare in this wild and raw way.
So yeah, I see where he’s coming from. I just thought that when I kicked the habit in its most hurting form, he would never even pick on it. I hope I won’t be totally guarded now the next time we have sex. But it’s pretty hard not to be, when you can’t be sure about the other one’s excitement at all. Bah.
Ps. You know the worst thing he could muster up? The worst name he called me? You’d be wrong. It was princess. You’re such a princess. And when he wished me to hell and to fuck off? He said please leave now. I don’t want to talk anymore.