Passing Woman, Pregnancy, Self-Questioning, Volatile bodies

Blood Again

Yesterday all the symptoms just faded away suddenly. I had some kind of a back ache, just like last time, and went to shower my back with hot water. And then I started bleeding.

I have no nausea now and I can kiss Wonderboy, am not overly offended over all small details and don’t feel so frail all the time. I’m devastated and somehow relieved at the same time. I was starting to become really worried that the pregnancy is outside the womb and could be dangerous. I guess because the doctor said that if the tubes are blocked that kind of a pregnancy is most likely.

I’m relieved I finally got an aswer. A month is so much better than three or more, if this was destined to happen and I was afraid of this from the start. I’m a bit afraid still. What will this be like? What will happen? I’m trying to be courageous, but the pain in my body is terrifying.

I’m trying to think that I can’t get pregnant again, if I don’t get through this. But I wonder, if I ever will get any further.

I play old computer games and hope for it to be over.


4 thoughts on “Blood Again

  1. Thank you both.


    I’m waiting for a check up with our fertility doctor, but they are back in session after a week from now. I don’t think general doc’s would found out anything, if I went now. I don’t know.

    Maybe I just don’t want to go to get the answer that you might have been pregnant or not. Since they couldn’t see anything weird in the fertility side. I just can’t handle anyone saying that I imagined this. I haven’t told my sisters even, because of that. But I told my mother today. I had to. She was as loving and wonderful as anyone could be really. That helped a bit. (And made me cry even more.)

  2. I suppose I asked because I would want to be sure I knew what had happened – but I know you’ve been through this before, and know the signs. Hugs.

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