I’m in pain and it feel nothing like the normal menstrual cramps. It’s mostly concentrated on the right ovary. This makes me worry. The pain radiates to my back and makes me feel nauseaus. (There it is again.) There’s no more blood but I woke up to the pain. It’s like a hard pressure, and it’s not in my womb.
I’m waiting for the hospital’s emergency phone number to open. I’ll let you know what happens, even if this is somehow all normal and I’m imagining it.
The doctor found nothing out of the ordinary. I had a slight fever, but the blood tests came through all good. No infections. I got so lucky that I got a chance to see the gynecologist too. She did an ultrasound and said everything looks fine. They also did a blood test for the pregnancy. I’ll find out tomorrow about that.
It was weird facing doctors and nurses with my plight, not to mention it was pretty awful facing all the pregnant women and the women with small children, who were waiting in the same waiting room.
The gyno’s first reaction was to comment that you are not pregnant if the drugstore test wasn’t positive. They are so accurate these days.
Ummm. Okay. But see, I’ve been in pain and nauseaus for a month now. If I’m not pregnant, I’m a bit worried.
She did loosen her stance a bit by saying it could’ve been a chemical pregnancy. And then loosening up even more and ordering the blood works. She wished me good luck and said I’d be back one day with the good news for sure. I was happy she should say that, although I just can’t be certain about that.
And when I got home the mail had brought an invitation to visit the hospital for a test to see if my womb and fallopian tubes are okay. The next time I get my period, which will be about 30 days from now. I’m scared of the test like crazy. It hurt so much today, when the doctor just scraped my cervix tentatively. I yelled out of pain and I’d just taken a really potent pain drug. But in the test they’ll put a catheter in me.
Better to know than to keep guessing. I guess. It still scares the shit out of me.
But the weird thing is. If the test says I was not pregnant, I might actually not be so sad. Even if it doesn’t change a thing really, because my experiences over the last month were what they were. I’ll never be able to be happy about a pregnancy again before I’ve seen the ultrasound or even then.
I really don’t know. Can my body mislead my like this? Or are they wrong? I feel cheated an humiliated already.
(We’ll found out tomorrow on Wednesday night’s episode But who is the Father?)
The Final Update:
The test was negative. Somehow I’m relieved. I still know I was pregnant, but maybe it was a chemical pregnancy. Maybe we don’t know enough about our bodies to say. (Hey, if they can’t find out why 2% of the people can’t have kids…) At least everything’s fine in my body now.
Next month we’ll finally have the fearsome tests done. I’m saying we, because I don’t want to be the only one suffering. But I am.