BDSM, Coming out, Craving for more, Learning to negotiate, Submissive tendencies, Unanticipated Satisfaction, Volatile bodies

About Equality And The Hotness Of Letting It Go

When we were down with the first round of domestic servitude, or whatever you want to call it, Wonderboy couldn’t stop smiling. He gets like that a lot and it’s always something forbidden, sexy or kinky. So, of course I ask and beg him to tell me. What are you thinking?

And he says, I’m just thinking, how I will test your boundaries. What I’ll put you through.

We only just ever did this for the first time, and he’s already conniving testing my boundaries! I felt week from the knees, a little fidgety but also anxious to know, to get there. What could he have in mind?

When we were talking about, how we can separate play from life, turned out we can’t, because. Well… (I’m getting turned on just thinking about this conversation!)

I said, You can just ask me, if I want to play. Some day might be I that I don’t.

And, if you don’t, he added in a suggesting way and neither of us could hold our evil grins for a long time.

You’ll make me, I sighed from happiness.

Can’t I have a safe place? No, I can’t. Because I want to surrender. I need to surrender to him. He is a gentle and loving man. If he would see me in real distress, anxious, he’d deal with it. He’d help me. He wouldn’t and probably couldn’t start demanding services from me. But it’s not my decision. I trust him to make the right one.

In the comments of my other post, I argued that this is all about equality in the heart of things. What Feministsub wrote about us seeing equality in domestic partnership’s as a virtue and as the only way, didn’t sink in until now. If they’re there yet. It’s not in fact the only way, but the only way we can morally accept.

Surrendering to Wonderboy is wonderful, because I get to surrender the control. People have pointed out that it’s the feeling loved, cared for that’s important, not how you do it. Equality is only good or right, if it what makes you happy. But we’ve been raised in a time, where women are struggling to get away from home, be free from their husband’s financial domination. It’s probably not the best of times to start threading the lines of such a power play. It most certainly is not the easiest time for it.

But what is it that makes this kinky? What is it that makes this transgressive? Why it’s the letting go of some of the equality of course. It wouldn’t be a turn on and it wouldn’t be a need, if it was equal as usual. The thing that is powerful is giving my power for him to use. I just have to deal with it in thought just as well as in actions…

You see, when Wonderboy came home today, I said to him that I didn’t want to have sex. But it’d be okay, if he wanted to dominate me.

So, theoritcally speaking, he said, would you be willing to lick me, even if you didn’t want sex? I could lick you, he assured.

I don’t want anything for myself. That’s what I meant.

I’m just asking to make these things clear, he added, because it’s such a rare thing.

Well, because we’re talking theoretically here, I answered, I’d have to say that this might be a sort of experiment. That the other one comes and the other one doesn’t.

Just theoretically speaking.

Yeah.

And so again the happy couple spent eons and eons just smiling stupidly at each other and then kissing and hugging.

It’s all equal, if the other one comes and the other one doesn’t! See… It’s like this… I mean, you know…

I guess it’s not. And that’s why it’s hot.

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10 thoughts on “About Equality And The Hotness Of Letting It Go

  1. jnakabb says:

    He is a gentle and loving man. If he would see me in real distress, anxious, he’d deal with it
    What a wonderful man to keep you safe while you journey together.

    And so again the happy couple spent eons and eons just smiling stupidly at each other and then kissing and hugging
    I’m smiling too – and my wife’s been wondering why I’ve had this dopey grin for a couple of days.

    🙂 🙂 🙂

  2. Equality is only good or right, if it what makes you happy. But we’ve been raised in a time, where women are struggling to get away from home, be free from their husband’s financial domination. It’s probably not the best of times to start threading the lines of such a power play. It most certainly is not the easiest time for it.

    I think this is what gave me pause for a long time. It just seemed wrong, when so many have fought so hard for independence, to just say “thanks, but no thanks.” Like one of those “ungrateful daughters of feminism.” (Incidentally, I felt the same way about my sexual submissiveness/masochism for a long time too) But I’m not ungrateful, and I don’t think you are either. I love my education, my career, my freedom to make the kind of life I want to make.

    And something tells me neither of us would be truly happy with our partners in charge if it were compulsory. That would take so much of the joy out of it. Not to mention, we probably would have been married off to unsuitable husbands at the age of 16.

  3. Femsub,

    Yep. I had the same doubts about submissiveness. You can probably just check out my archives for that shit. It was so hard for a long time.

    I’m still fighting for equality! This choice wouldn’t be meaningful, if I had no others. I decide, if I want to give away my power and what parts I will not give. That’s why they call it meaningful consent. Because I have a choice. Many, many of them.

  4. Maybe I’ll go back and read your older entries. For me, even just looking back to the start of my blog, it’s shocking at how quickly I lost my ambivalence about some things. It’s amazing how quickly I started to grow when I stopped beating myself up.

  5. If you did read the old entries, it probably would give you an idea of how hard it can really be. We’ve come so far, but it wasn’t for free. Relationships don’t usually start figured out. 🙂 Neither do identities. It might even be a relief for you?

  6. jnakabb says:

    @Rogue:
    have you made your own silent journey there too
    Me ? Silent ? No, it’s the thought of the adventures you’re having and the fun on the way that makes me smile inwardly and sometimes it’s visible externally.

    We have different dynamics and hard limits, but it looks like a few soft limits may be explored….your Slave posts reminded me that I’d proposed a decorative velvet choker in the past so who knows where that will lead (or even who will do the leading).

  7. Oh Jnakabb! That is so wonderful. I am making a change in the world after all. Some things can hide for a long time before the surface again. I’m so happy for you!

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