Learning to negotiate, Male Lead Relationship stuff, Self-Questioning, Volatile bodies


On June 27th, which was only a few months ago, I wrote the following on the comments of my post Abuse as Non-Consensual Play:

And for me it would feel totally unfair to put Wonderboy in a situation where he had to try to depicher my every mood, because he’d be responsible for them in a more deep way than with what we have now, if we were to play 24/7. Of which I’m not overly enthusiastic about anyway, but curious I guess.

Talk about someone being in denial! Just curious I guess. Well, wasn’t I curious about bondage and d/s from the age 16 on, but never did anything with it because I was too scared to face my desire? Wouldn’t that had been like a huge flaming sign?

I also write:

But when I brought up my concern over CNC I thought more about those 24/7 arrangements (or do you have such?) and how in them… Well, when is the submissive brought down to earth, cuddled and aftercared for?

I really don’t understand it anymore. How I could’ve put myself, or on  a larger scale the submissives, in such a small box. Why wouldn’t Wonderboy cuddle me and want to find out, if everything’s allright, if this was 24/7? Why would that change? He’s the same caring and loving person who will always put my well-being at least on the same level as his. Who won’t have sex with me unless I’m not only okay with it but also enthusiastic about it.

I think my main fallacy was that I thought we’d have to scene 24/7. But it’s not like that. We are who we are, but the balance has shifted a little. We joke about it, we negotiate about it and then Wonderboy makes a decision. Which I sometimes try to convince him to change. And sometimes I do convince him. Sometimes I don’t. Ooooh, what hotness lies in the don’ts.

The Sexperts said this in the comments too:

I don’t see CNC as an inability to negotiate. Rather, it is the knowledge that you can negotiate, but you realize the final say is not up to you, and your needs might not get met RIGHT now, but may need to take a back burner for a while. In the end, though, my needs do get met.

My feelings relating to this, you realize the final say is not up to you, was stubborn and uncomfortable na-ha. No way would I consent to that.

And yet? I have. I love realizing the final say is not in my hands. I love it so much it makes me spontaneously squirt all over our shit. I mean sheets.

Ahem. I’m seriously reconsidering my stance. If it wasn’t obvious from the second I brought this thing up.


2 thoughts on “Reconsidering

  1. Yay! So glad in your posts you seem happy and fulfilled. I’m glad that you are also finding out something that is at times scary and even repulsive (to me… leading me to question my own values and feminism) can also be acceptable and sexy.

  2. and even repulsive

    Oooh, this stings.

    I’m still very much uncomfortable with other people’s accounts on TPE relationships (not all of them, obviously, but some) and I’m not even sure where we’re going. – Can I interject here and tell you how much I hate the traveling metaphors? Like we should be going somewhere. – Are we actually going there or are we just playing with a certain amount of power exhange that goes somewhat over the sexual play sessions and encounters, but isn’t actually prevalent in everything we do? The latter is where we are now.

    I’m glad that what I’ve written has made you think about your own values. It’s certainly made me fight with mine. And I do think that I’m a better and stronger person for it.

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