The pain has been like constant hammering. Pinching here and there, more overall pain, but no cramps. It’s been different from period cramps, that’s for sure. I slept again with the help of a painkiller.
And this morning.
My nipples aren’t sore. The pain is still there, now more constant. Different? I can’t tell anymore. And my body temperature is back to normal after being 37.3-36.8 C for two weeks.
And there was a little red hued dot in the toiler paper. Not really a dot, more like a huge red flag.
And I’m thinking, of course. Why would I be pregnant? I’m just going to stay this way, suffer from pains that are perceived as imaginery or just a problem because of my low pain tolerance, and I’m never going to get the result I crave.
Why is my body making me suffer for nothing? Why won’t anyone help me? I feel like something is constantly going wrong with my pregnancies, but no one even thinks they are pregnancies, or much of anything really. Just my imagination.
How could I belive that it would ever work out, when it hasn’t and this is the third time in a year and a half? I feel so beaten down. I know there’s still a slight chance, a hope, but I think this took my hope away. It’s just that it’s happened before. Nothing’s happened before.
The giant and painful flatulance I’ve been suffering from the last couple of days, although my diet hasn’t changed, is still here though. Cheers to that.