I have calmed down from my previous post. I’ve had the whole day to think. I have also talked with the Champagne Lady, not about the suggestion obivously, but remembering her in a real way brought also real relief. We are planning on a 50’s coctail party with design dresses and hard curls, artichoke appetizer soup and champagne – but of course.
1. I feel a lot better.
2. I remember that Wonderboy loves me and doesn’t want to be with anyone else. Or even fuck anyone else.
3. I try to keep in mind that it’s difficult to bring your fantasies and kinks up, and it doesn’t help if your lover freaks the fuck out and straight on goes into you don’t really love me then mode.
4. I appreaciate that Wonderboy thought about incorporating me into his fantasy. We did talk that he’d have permission to spank someone, but it was not expressed that I should be present. This is his way of saying he wants me to be okay with it and see how innocent it really is.
5. He is able and willing to negotiate about his desires – even to wait 10 years, if he has to. He’s not going to push something like this on me forcefully. Neither is he going to straight out leave me, if I don’t want to do the things of his fantasies.
6. I brought him to an orgasm yesterday with only my hands and mouth that made him lose all control and almost topple over me from where he was standing. He never loses control. Ever. He also farted because of the magnitude of the orgasm. How many times has he farted in front of me while having sex previously? None! I feel it speaks about the bond between us getting stronger since he can let go like that.
7. He had his way with me on a day I said I didn’t want sex at all. And we were both absurdly happy after, even though I never orgasmed.
8. It’s getting better. I can see it. I just have to remember where I stand.
Also, incidently, I bought Lily’s book and it is nerve calming as hell to read her humorous and down to earth writing about just these troubles. Although I expect never to be in her leathers so to speak, since I don’t count myself as poly in any way.