BDSM, Coming out, Love, Male Lead Relationship stuff, Sex stories, Wonderboy

Beginner’s Shibari – Bondage with a Lighthearted Atmosphere

I went to a party on Saturday night. The main attraction for me was that there was a master of Shibari there, but there were also some friends and the subject was feminist queer porn, so I wanted to show support. Well, it so happened that when I went to the Shibari master to talk about my interest in it, she tied me up too! And what beautiful technique she had!

My friend took some photos of me all tied up with my phone and I couldn’t stop smiling! I was so happy I went, so happy I talked to the master and so happy I got tied up. It felt… exhilarating. It was so light, because this wasn’t a fetish event. No one was actually that familiar with BDSM, or if you were, you were quiet about it. There were no PVC clad women, no pressure to play out anything – and she was very matter of fact about it. She did give me some pointers, when I asked about the right kind of rope, because the one we have is way too clunky to do any real Shibari, really.

I showed the pictures to Wonderboy when I got home. I had been trying to convince him to come with me, but to no avail. I finally got my dear friend K to come with me, and since she has a budding BDSM fetish too, it was nice that we both got a little tied up, so to speak. Although I kind of get the feeling that she feels some jealousy of our ever thriving d/s relationship. But she’s very cool and open about wanting some of the same things and not being happy with how things are going with her boyfriend now, and I’m trying to be open and honest with her too, especially about the stuff that easily goes wrong and about the crazy feelings that get in the way sometimes. Also, she’s the only one I have told about our Arrangement and The Contract, so I could also tell her I could only get one drink and then be all lighthearted about it afterwards.

Wonderboy, on the other hand, still feels iffy about joining public gatherings, especially if it has something to do with sexuality. It was too much pressure for him to come into a situation like that…And I didn’t really pressure, because I didn’t feel that he had to come for me to be able to get what I wanted out of it.

But when he saw the pics, he did lighten up.

I really like those pictures, he said.

She’s holding a basics course on bondage, too, I added excited.

I don’t know, if I’ll be able to attend a thing like that… But I’d be interested to learn at home, he said and smiled that wolfish smile of his.

We’ve been looking at Esinem‘s site and his DVD guides Tying people not parcels and Shibari ropes on Amazon, and we are both pretty excited. We decided we’d get the DVD guides and some 6 mm ropes for a Christmas preasent for us both. And I have to say – this completely changed the way I feel about Christmas coming! We have been talking about using the free days to practice. I am so looking forward to that!

You can’t believe how happy this makes me! I’ve been trying to introduce rope to our life for years now, and only now does he show any interest in it. After I’ve already been tied by someone else. I have to say though, I looked pretty fucking hot tied up like that with my hands behind my head. No wonder Wonderboy took a liking to it! It’s just so different to be really tied. There’s the act of tying and the movement and malleability of rope in contrast to handcuffs and restraints. It makes me feel giddy.

I remember how it felt when Wonderboy tied me up the first time. How vulnerable I felt, how lost he felt, when I was at his mercy without a doubt. I don’t think that will be a problem anymore. Everything’s changed with all the stuff we’ve had to suffer through. It’s not so scary anymore. Nothing is.

**

On Sunday he commanded me to put on fake eyeleashes (with sparking pink diamonds in them!), my silver stiletto heels, my fishnet stockings and then he collared me. And fucked my ass. It was something I had asked of him the day before, but it took some time for him to be able to trust me. We haven’t done it since the treatments started. (So in 1,5 years…) It’s just been too much, too much of everything and too little of the hormones that make me want it. But I did now. He used the pink suade restraints on me and fucked my ass after he’d played with it a loooooong time with lube and fingers and tongue.

I was so present. I wasn’t afraid at all. I did what I wanted and asked for what I wanted. And he was less afraid than before. Although he did confess later that he had been worried about me and the pain I migh have been feeling. I did feel some pain, but I think we will get better at it from now on. Because the fear is gone.

We also came at the same time. How rewarding is that?

Standard
BDSM, Fantasies, Submissive tendencies, What Women Really Want

Whip me whole

As I read this, Getting into BDSM vol 2 by Holly at The Pervocracy, a worthy and enlighting commentary on how to behave yourself and what to expect from play parties, a matter I have thought of infrequently, I had a vision.

I was being whipped. I was on all fours in our bed and someone was whipping me. I’ve never before fantasized about really being whipped or flogged. I never even fantasize about being slapped – and that is a definate imperative in our sex life. And now I saw the appeal of play parties. It gives such a good excuse to do just that. Because sometimes sex is not even expected. Sometimes the only thing that’s expected is the BDSM play.

(I’m sorry for using the whole acronym most of the time, it’s just I can’t decide what I’m pointing my finger at – binding or dominating or perhaps hurting. So, I use the whole thing to get to more important things.)

This is the thing we’ve been talking about. I’ve been, for the first time in my life, really examining what I need, and come to the decision that I need rough d/s play. Just sole play for play’s sake. It can and mostly will be followed by sex, but it’s a different need. A different kind of aroused state. Itchy for something more.

It’s such a relieving thing to understand. It’s such a relief to be able to fantasize or even visualise something I want, for me. That I’m in the picture I’m visualising, as a participant. It’s new and exciting. I feel so whole all of a sudden.

I really, really, really just want to be whipped. It’s funny that I never knew. I don’t know why, but now I know that’s what I want. It might not have anything to do with sex, as a part of sex, but it might as well. And why would that even matter? I’m sure somewhere someone would say that kissing has no part in sex. And they’d have the right to feel so. Why can’t I have my desires fulfilled without fitting them in a frame that probably never fits anyone? Unless they’re lying, of course.

Lately my desires, visions and fantasies have been going in a certain direction. They are all spesific scenes that have no intercourse in them. Whipping, bondage, submission, teasing, restraining, talking dirty, threatening me. But no sex.

I never though I’d see the day. I’m a bit nervious to brake these fantasies to Wonderboy. I tried, with the lamp hook bondage play, and he just said: That sounds too scary. Still some way to go. Or is it grow?

Standard
BDSM, Coming out, Craving for more, Fantasies, Self-Questioning, Submissive tendencies, Unanticipated Satisfaction

All sex and no play makes Rogue a dull girl

Why is it so deep in my head? Why am I unable to enjoy it, when I get it?

Wonderboy tied me up. Because I asked him to. He tied my wrists and held me and fucked me. All I could think was that there should be something more. Something!

Near the end, when he was about to come, he tightened the rope like directing a horse. I was on my tummy and my hands were tied in a crisscross position above my head. He pulled on the rope until I was a tight bridge under him. That was the moment I got into it. But it was too brief.

When he untied my hands, it was the most sensual part of the act. I felt fragile and wide awake. The rope came off slowly. I still have marks on my wrists, and it was more than half an hour ago.

He held me, kissed me and talked to me. He understood that I had mixed feelings. He even said You have to write it in your blog to feel better and understand. I’m so far away from my own experience that I need to write it down to understand it. Why is it so deep in my head? Why am I unable to connect?

It was new and that made it scary. The chances of succeeding were low indeed, but that made it easier for me this time.

The best things that came out of this experience were that we were able to talk about it straight away without anger or resentment. I was able to give my consent, to guide him and to ask things I needed, although I didn’t quite get what I wanted. Progress, still. He, on the other hand, saw that he enjoys tying me up, and that I can handle it. In a way that is.

After he’d come and I’d become untied, and we’d talked enough, he offered to make me come. I didn’t feel like it was an option, but then I had a quick vivid fantasy about him slapping my butt. Just slapping my butt, nothing else. And I knew that was what I wanted. So after a minute he was caressing my buttocks, his fingers lingering between my thighs, and then he gave me a slap. It took me some time to gather the courage, but I managed to first ask that he’d hit me harder and then faster. But he hesitated, because the diabolical sounds the slaps were making echoed madly in our bedroom.  I could hear our next door neighbour starting the music and our upstairs neighbour coughing.

I felt ashamed. I felt exposed. And yet I felt that it was my right. It’s our bedroom. It’s my desire and my orgasm we’re talking about! I’ts non negotiable no matter how bad it sounds to our neighbours.

Next time Wonderboy won’t hesitate, because I told him I was about to come, but his hesitation cost me my orgasm. He said that next time I must yell Don’t you dare stop, I’m about to come! I’ll try my very best.

When I started writing this post, I didn’t know, what I needed and didn’t get and how to explain it, even to myself. So, obviously I wondered off to read other people’s blogs. I’m glad I did, because this caught my eye. It’s a list Ferns from the Domme Chronicles wrote to bring a newbie guy into BDSM play, as a sort of play (check) list. It goes like this:

  • Being left in bondage (5-10 minutes)
  • Being undressed (to boxer briefs)
  • Biting (gentle)
  • Blindfold
  • Collar (wearing)
  • Eye contact restrictions (not allowed to raise eyes/look at something)
  • Gag
  • Kissing
  • Kneeling
  • Leash (being led)
  • Leash (wearing)
  • Photos (of rope work, not face)
  • Physical inspection
  • Pinching (gentle)
  • Being restrained (eg wrist/ankle cuffs tied to something)
  • Rope bondage (ha!)
  • Using honorific (Ma’am)
  • Voice restrictions (not allowed to talk)
  • Wearing ankle cuffs
  • Wearing wrist cuffs

All of it obviously don’t apply to me, but I see things here I want and need, but am unable to ask for or get. I really need to be instructed and commanded in the smallest details. I’d love to (and have loved in the past, but don’t know how to ask for it) be faced with restrictions concerning talking, making sounds, looking, moving.

Earlier, when I was contemplating what was missing from our play today, I saw a vivid image in my head of me tied by the rope to our bedroom lamp hook. He would circle me and hit my ass, talk to me, threaten me and restrict my actions by mere words. But this fantasy is as far from our sex life as it would be from a vanilla marriage bed. It’s hard to ask, but even harder to face the inevitable rejection, when I try to bring more play into our sex life. It’s hard for Wonderboy to give me Play. He understands the part of play in sex, but is unable to just play for the sake of playing.

And I need it, every day more and more. So, maybe it’s not just that I don’t know what I want, but that he reacts negatively to my hints and suggestions, because he’s scared?

He was first really happy after the ropey fun and even exclaimed that it was particularly good for him and he hadn’t realized how good it can be. But when we got to talking and then trying the slapping and then oral sex and anal fingering and he finally got me to an orgasm, he felt he had failed both the tying and the slapping. He said that he’d hoped I’d give more feedback, that it was really hard to give me what I wanted. I tried my best to guide him. I even gave orders, very spesific ones: Put your fingers only a litlle way in and tease me with them while you lick. Fuck my ass with your fingers, but don’t stop the licking. It was pretty hard for me even to say those things, so clearly and unapologeticly.

I didn’t feel anything was a failure. We tried the rope, and as a result, I know a bit more about what I’m looking for – more domination from him, especially vocal. And I said as much. He learned it can be a lot of fun, that tying can enhance his domination and my submission to him, and that I can talk about it later even if I’m kind of fragile and in a pit of contradicting emotions.

Is there any other way to learn than to try?

Standard