BDSM, Coming out, Love, Male Lead Relationship stuff, Sex stories, Wonderboy

Beginner’s Shibari – Bondage with a Lighthearted Atmosphere

I went to a party on Saturday night. The main attraction for me was that there was a master of Shibari there, but there were also some friends and the subject was feminist queer porn, so I wanted to show support. Well, it so happened that when I went to the Shibari master to talk about my interest in it, she tied me up too! And what beautiful technique she had!

My friend took some photos of me all tied up with my phone and I couldn’t stop smiling! I was so happy I went, so happy I talked to the master and so happy I got tied up. It felt… exhilarating. It was so light, because this wasn’t a fetish event. No one was actually that familiar with BDSM, or if you were, you were quiet about it. There were no PVC clad women, no pressure to play out anything – and she was very matter of fact about it. She did give me some pointers, when I asked about the right kind of rope, because the one we have is way too clunky to do any real Shibari, really.

I showed the pictures to Wonderboy when I got home. I had been trying to convince him to come with me, but to no avail. I finally got my dear friend K to come with me, and since she has a budding BDSM fetish too, it was nice that we both got a little tied up, so to speak. Although I kind of get the feeling that she feels some jealousy of our ever thriving d/s relationship. But she’s very cool and open about wanting some of the same things and not being happy with how things are going with her boyfriend now, and I’m trying to be open and honest with her too, especially about the stuff that easily goes wrong and about the crazy feelings that get in the way sometimes. Also, she’s the only one I have told about our Arrangement and The Contract, so I could also tell her I could only get one drink and then be all lighthearted about it afterwards.

Wonderboy, on the other hand, still feels iffy about joining public gatherings, especially if it has something to do with sexuality. It was too much pressure for him to come into a situation like that…And I didn’t really pressure, because I didn’t feel that he had to come for me to be able to get what I wanted out of it.

But when he saw the pics, he did lighten up.

I really like those pictures, he said.

She’s holding a basics course on bondage, too, I added excited.

I don’t know, if I’ll be able to attend a thing like that… But I’d be interested to learn at home, he said and smiled that wolfish smile of his.

We’ve been looking at Esinem‘s site and his DVD guides Tying people not parcels and Shibari ropes on Amazon, and we are both pretty excited. We decided we’d get the DVD guides and some 6 mm ropes for a Christmas preasent for us both. And I have to say – this completely changed the way I feel about Christmas coming! We have been talking about using the free days to practice. I am so looking forward to that!

You can’t believe how happy this makes me! I’ve been trying to introduce rope to our life for years now, and only now does he show any interest in it. After I’ve already been tied by someone else. I have to say though, I looked pretty fucking hot tied up like that with my hands behind my head. No wonder Wonderboy took a liking to it! It’s just so different to be really tied. There’s the act of tying and the movement and malleability of rope in contrast to handcuffs and restraints. It makes me feel giddy.

I remember how it felt when Wonderboy tied me up the first time. How vulnerable I felt, how lost he felt, when I was at his mercy without a doubt. I don’t think that will be a problem anymore. Everything’s changed with all the stuff we’ve had to suffer through. It’s not so scary anymore. Nothing is.

**

On Sunday he commanded me to put on fake eyeleashes (with sparking pink diamonds in them!), my silver stiletto heels, my fishnet stockings and then he collared me. And fucked my ass. It was something I had asked of him the day before, but it took some time for him to be able to trust me. We haven’t done it since the treatments started. (So in 1,5 years…) It’s just been too much, too much of everything and too little of the hormones that make me want it. But I did now. He used the pink suade restraints on me and fucked my ass after he’d played with it a loooooong time with lube and fingers and tongue.

I was so present. I wasn’t afraid at all. I did what I wanted and asked for what I wanted. And he was less afraid than before. Although he did confess later that he had been worried about me and the pain I migh have been feeling. I did feel some pain, but I think we will get better at it from now on. Because the fear is gone.

We also came at the same time. How rewarding is that?

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BDSM, embracing pain, Fantasies, Gender stereotypes, Submissive tendencies, What Women Really Want, Wonderboy

How to fuck a feminist up the ass

What happened to turn me away from butt sex was a constant harassment from different guys.

My ex-boyfriend just tried to force it in a couple of times when he was drunk and trying to fuck me from behind. This one guy did it in an alley and boy he just kept on going although it was pretty evident it wasn’t going to happen without any lube or my participation. There was blood and everything, but it didn’t change his tactic one bit. A man I was with tried to force it in when I was sitting on top of him after I’d orgasmed. Ultimately I had to say that it’s not going to happen just like that. He was looking for a way to fuck himself to an orgasm without getting me pregnant. (What do you mean safe sex? We were horny and it was 3 o’clock in the morning.)

But then it once happened accidently by a guy who felt incredibly bad afterwards because his ex-girlfriend had had a serious negative thing happen to her butt. With him it happened when I was totally relaxed, he had massaged me with oils and made me feel like a flower, gently opening. When he accidently slid his quite impressive young cock in my ass, it didn’t feel bad. It almost felt good. But when he started moving, it started hurting and I had to guide him a bit. The lesson I learned was that for a guy it’s almost impossible to know the difference, and to respect it.

It also happened with Wonderboy.

Once he just put his cock in my ass, no negotiations, no nothing. We were having sex, and it wasn’t working for him. Somehow that seems to be the spot where all the men have become hasty selfish douchebags. And I hate to say it, but so did Wonderboy.

My guess is that he didn’t realize that ass is not always on the menu. He’d never had a girlfriend or any sexual encounter before me. All he knew was that he wanted it, and it was the norm in the porn he had read and watched throughout his life. And all I knew was that a guy was deliberately hurting me again. Without asking for my permission, let alone my enthusiastic consent and participation.

This is where I’m coming from, when I talk about up the butt. Ass-fuck. Anal sex.

I’ve had loads of guys ask me ”Can I stick it up your ass”. It’s pretty straightforward, because I could say no. Though the no didn’t always stay in their minds. I remember shielding my ass many a times with my hands.

You want to know how to get a piece of ass? STOP HARASSING WOMEN to give it up.

This advice is cool and okay… But putting even your finger up someone’s ass is a huge threat to someone who has had the privilege to grow up as a woman. I’ve had a few conversations about men and their asses, and although there are some who enjoy it up the ass, the most likely heterosexual answer is: “Never. It’s different for guys, yo dude.”

Well, there’s your answer then. Because it’s not different for guys. It’s the same. And if you won’t even talk about it, let alone try it, why would you be entitled to put your dick in the ass of some woman?

It will hurt. It will feel demeaning. It will be uncomfortable. They will probably bleed and hurt for a long time after. Number two will be a problem. They will very likely not enjoy it at all for the first times, if ever. Why would they want it more than you want something in your butt?

After Wonderboy took my ass without my consent it was a long and winding road for him to ever getting to try it again. Even if he only put his cock in there for a second or two. I said no and he didn’t react to it right away, and when he did. He just rolled off of me in a huff. His orgasm was compromised. My body was molested, and he didn’t even see it.

But he did it.

So I told him. In excruciating detail. How I’d been molested. How others had treated my body.

Those fucking assholes! he exclaimed. Why the hell did you even go out with that guy? he asked angrily.

He couldn’t even see that he’d done the exact same thing. Because he thought of himself as the good guy. He would never want to hurt me. (Unless I asked for it, of course.)

A tidbit of information: I used to play with my ass. It was so innocent, and yet it showed what I really liked. I used to sit on my childhood pet toy, a dog, and put his hard nose on my asshole and his hard eyes on my clit and vagina opening. His head soon looked like it’d been, well, raped, but I still have him. He’s still the thing I hold when I’m frightened or lonely. But the way I played with him I never played with a man.

Why do you think that is?

Because I never had the chance to try anything out! I never had the chance to come to any conclusion about what I like, because – hello! – the cock was already there, hard, wanting, demanding entrance. The first time I had an orgasm with a guy’s cock inside me? When he drunkenly fell asleep under me and I could grind myself to my heart’s content. And do you know the first thing he had to say, when he woke up?

Well, yes it was.

Can I fuck your ass?

And then his hands were all over the place, and his cock was pushing against my ass cheeks to get between them, and I have a feeling that if I’d fallen asleep… I’d have a different story to tell you. But I didn’t. Because I knew that my ass was only mine to protect, just like my pussy had been. Inviting someone to my home or my bed (or joining them in theirs) was like a blanket consent to do anything they wanted to me. Without even asking. Well, first asking and then ignoring the answer, more like.

I never wanted it. I never wanted a dick up my ass.

Never.

Not even after Wonderboy wonderfully played with my ass, all those cool tips did nothing to help me out. I never wanted anything up my ass. Ever. But in the end I did it because I love him, and he seemed to want it so badly.

What then made me change my mind? It wasn’t some crafty plan, fingers up my ass, licking my ass and then finally lubing my ass to be fucked. No.

What made me change my mind, was playing with Wonderboy’s fabulous ass.

It seemed that often when we made love, at some point, I’d drift from eating his cock out to eating his ass out. I never felt any repulsion or what have you. It was his ass, after all, and he did the same to me. He devoured my ass many times, but the thing was. I don’t really enjoy it so much. My ass isn’t that sensitive. Licking it is such a waste. But licking his butt sent him to the moon. I’m telling ya. He was in heaven. He oozed precum and came so hard and unexptedly that I started to see there was something in the playing with the ass trope, I hadn’t thought of. It seemed to be something Wonderboy actually desired and enjoyed.

I licked his ass, played with it with my fingers and realized that he actually truly loves it. He has bigger orgasms if I fondle his asshole. He is extatic when I do things to his butt.

He is drawn to my ass. He likes asses. Sexually, that’s what he’s mostly drawn to. Me too, and big cocks too, so I can’t complain. It isn’t really a wonder he wants to fuck my ass. It’s his ultimate fantasy. It’s demeaning. It might hurt. (Although that’s more why I get off on it, he just really wants to fuck my ass, but doesn’t want it to hurt. He wants me to enjoy it.) It’s my ass, after all.

At last I though that maybe he wanted to give me the same pleasure he had when I touched his ass. That maybe it wasn’t all about his pleasure.

I said yes.

After months of silence I went to a drug store, got a couple of different lubes and then suggested it to him. I think it went something like this.

I bought these. So. If you’d really like to try. We could maybe try it.

At first he wasn’t about to believe his good luck, but when he did it was a hop, skip and a second after we were upside down on the bed.

The first time he probably pushed 30 or so times, before I had to call it off.  It hurt like hell. We had loads of lube, he was careful, I tried to be relaxed… But there was no grand finale. No orgasm or anything else.

He didn’t make a scene. He stopped but stayed on top of me and hugged me. When I looked up, I saw him cry. I had given him something truly meaningful. I had let him in. I had let him hurt me. I had trusted him with my virginity. We both cried a bit, hugged and kissed. We felt united by the pain, by the intensity of the experience and the frailty of me body. He had been inside of me. I had invited him in, to hurt me, to open me up.

I’m really not sure, how well I’d have taken it all, if I didn’t sort of get turned on by submission and pain. (Yeah, sort of. Rolleyes.) But after we tried it once in a while it transformed from a sore, unearthing pain to an actual trip. It hurt so goddamn much, but at the same time, it was so overwhelming. My whole body was on fire. I was more full than I’d ever been. He kept on being gentle and lubing up and asking me how I was. I started to trust him. When he reached his hand over me and started to flip my clit I felt awkward. I didn’t want it. I didn’t need it.

Just fuck me.

And he did, he fucked me and strangled me and for the first time I came from anal sex. It was the most intense and mindblowing orgasm I’d ever had. It hurt too, and that’s what made it so special. Also him whispering to my ear what a slut I was and how he didn’t even care if I enjoyed it or not. It was our play, and it took a lot of time and talking and understanding and finally – just backing the fuck off from the whole ass situation – to get there.

What was the thing that lead us there, then? It wasn’t him wiggling his finger in my ass when I came, though he did that too. (And who knows, maybe he had read some hints on how to get ass, he is that sort of fellow who browses the intertubes.) It wasn’t because he slid his cock in my ass by “accident”. And it sure as hell wasn’t that he kept insisting it.

It was that he seemed to enjoy it too. Fingering his ass, licking his ass, playing with it. It made me so hot that I could make him so hot. That’s why he got ass from a feminist whose gotten nothing but ass-molesting all her life.

And now? Now It’s your turn.

 

 

My inspiration for this post came from here.

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BDSM, Craving for more, Fantasies, What Women Really Want, Wonderboy

With A Little Help From My Friend

I have this fantasy to be fucked by two men at the same time. Threesome, to be sure, but a spesific need to be filled all the way, more, throughout. Sometimes, good times, Wonderboy has fucked me from behind and wiggled his fingers in my butt at the same time. It’s mind-blowing in a way that’s hard to describe. It’s so intense that I’m almost not sure if I orgasm or just… spasm. I lose control, definately.

Today Wonderboy wouldn’t settle for his fingers. He restricted my legs very close together sitting on the back of my thighs. Then he started to rub his cock, already sticky with precum, to my ass cheeks, then my crack. He entered me without much delay, but stayed sitting up, forcing my cunt to mold into his cock which was trying to pull up and away. He was only a little way in and his cock was pulsing in me sending waves of pleasure through the most sensitive place in my cunt, the opening after the lips.

It felt so good that I wanted to keep him there, but at the same time I wanted him to ravish me. I wanted him to hit me and push and pull me. He was raising me from the bed with an iron fist in my hair, tentatively but very firmly finding the airways in my neck, blocking them and opening them at his will. At the same time he was very gentle with the cock, remember that it wasn’t all in, it was just pulsing with pleasure when he manhandled me, and my cunt pulsed back.

I love the way your cock feels when it pulses inside of me like that, I whispered in a hoarse voice. I lose my voice very easily and it usually has something to do with sex.

He started to play with my butt, ran his fingers in with some shea butter, and fucked me really slowly.

For me, the most intense sensations really actually make me blind. My eyes go black, well, my sight does, and then there will be orange and red flashes when it gets even more serious. It is important to me to feel as though I lose control. Seeing everything hinders it somehow. I’m too attuned to keep the other one happy, start to worry abut what I see, how I look. Closing my eyes always heightens me senses, so I do it a lot. At one point Wonderboy actually felt threatened that I always started to float into the void, the fantasy land, when I did so. He felt that when I closed my eyes I also close him off. Not so much anymore. He’s grown to appreciate everything that gets me to lose control, now that he’s realized how incredibly difficult and rare it is for me. I think. But I’m just guessing, here, because he’s usually pretty perspective, we haven’t talked about it for times and times now.

Well, pushing into me, filling me through both of my sexually appetitious orifices, is just the thing to push me away from selfcontrol and selfreflectory.

You feel so good, he whispered, and sighed in a way that made my cunt pulse a deep and vibrant pulse as an answer. He took his fingers out of my butt and hit me once like was still thinking what should he do. I answered with Hit me more! when he stopped at just one slap.

Are you trying to command me? he asked in a dangerous voice. I felt his arm around my neck and before I could say anything he was strangling me with his whole arm, his whole body weight in my back, my back arched up from the mattres by his strenght. When he eased a bit I said I’m sorry but it came out as a hoarse voice, almost only air. It was the perfect answer. I did want him to hit me more, but it was infinitely better that he chose to do as he will. And punish me for asking. He murmured some threats in my ear that I soon forgot because the passion took over me. He wouldn’t let me decide. He wouldn’t let me have a say. He wouldn’t let me go. We both were shivering from anticipation, pulsing, blooming, blood rushing, breath shallow and audible.

After a while of restraining me to show me my place he leaned over me and started to rummage our play box. There’s not much in there, an old dildo that I never use that used to vibrate but is broken now, a small smooth vibrator he bought for me for my birthday so I would have fun times without him, too, and not feel ashamed. He had first concidered a larger tool, but felt then that I might feel intimidated by the size, and anyway, it wasn’t so much for insertion than to play with my clit. I’d told him that’s the way I like to play when I’m alone, but after he bought it I have used the old and the new together with great effect. Anyway.

What should I use on you, he murmured under his breath and I started pulsing like crazy and got goose-pumps all over my upper back. Oh God yes, I thought and wiggled my butt way up in the air. Well, not really that much, he was on top of me and inside me at the time so there wasn’t much room.

We sadly discovered that there weren’t any batteries, but the small smooth thingie made it’s way up my butt and it was fantastical. God. Now he was able to to rub my butt cheeks and freely strangle me and tie my hair in a knot and raise me from it, because the vibrator stayed put. And he fucked me all through the beautiful few minutes it took before I could feel his cock get umpty and him say I’m gonna come. We ended up coming at the same time, blindly bound to each other, so filled with each other that it was almost too much to bare. I wasn’t so much pulsing than I was clinging to his cock, wanting to savour it to the last drop.

I got my threesome. Just me, Wonderboy and the little silky smooth vibrator.

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Coming out, Craving for more, embracing pain, Hurting, Hyper-Sexual, Love, Submissive tendencies

Ouch, It Hurts – Push Harder!

I had an epiffany tonight. It’s been a crazy couple of days, and I don’t know where to start. But let’s start from the outrageous stuff, so we can get to the emotional in due course.

As soon as Wonderboy came home from work, he told me he wanted to fuck me in the ass. He still needed to go to the city for a hobby of his, so we didn’t have any time before later, but we cuddled and grinded against each other for a while before he had to leave again. We got comfortable, excited even, and then he left, and I continued working, pretty happy.

But when he came home, the climate had ever so slightly changed. It almost didn’t happen. Because when he asked me, did I want to be fucked in the ass, I said I didn’t know. God, I’m such a basket case.

I had thought about it when he called me from the city, because he was insinuating that he had not filled his marital duties (to get the milk from the store for my coffee, you dirty minds!) and I said well, you’ve been filling your other marital duties perfectly, so that evens up the score. And then he said something or the other, which left me thinking he was really hot for my ass. Suddenly I felt kind of intimidated. Because, as you might know, and I certainly do, butt sex can hurt if you’re not in the right mood. For me, it’s always scary. My past experiences of miscommunication with guys who presumed totally unsolicited blanket consent when I only agreed to vaginal sex, might have something to do with that. I blame the porn industry for that one. (Even though I am porn and sex positive, I still do see enough to be critized about it’s effect on us.)

Okay, so back to the bedroom. He lifted me up on his arms in the living room, which wasn’t a storybook moment because I’m a little heavy for that, and carried me in the bedroom to lay me gently on the bed. I sat on the foot of the bed, not to seem submissive but to watch. He started to lube his penis, and it was already pretty hard, twitching in his hands as he played with the head and held on to the base with the other hand, showing it off. I’ve discovered recently, I really enjoy watching him pleasure himself. My pussy started pulsing with excitement. I could feel it engorge just from watching. After a while of smiling at each other, after some small moans that escaped my lips when I watched him, he leaned towards me, took me by my hair and pulled me against him.

On your knees, he commanded with a voice that was like a caress, so it didn’t feel like being commanded at all.

There it was, the luscious, the wonderful. Dick. He banged my cheek with it, pushed it against my lips, and finally put it in my mouth all the while holding me down from the back of my neck. I really like the way he holds my neck like it’s a caress and a threat at the same time. I’m not such a fan of throat fucking, but it really turns him on, and that turns me on. So he did that for a while, moaning and commenting the silky feel of my mouth and lips, dripping salty pre-cum in my mouth. I really, really like to hear the pleasure deepen his voice, the quick breaths that escape when something feels particularly good. I love to feel, smell and taste him enjoying. He was forceful, but I had no trouble breathing unlike some times, so it was quite good.

And then we kissed. It’s an unspoken agreement between us, that after oral pleasuring, we kiss. I feel it as a way to show that we are willing to taste the same medicine the other one’s been getting a truck load of. He probably doesn’t even think about it.

I was on top, and he finally asked me whether I wanted to have butt sex or not. It was all up to me. And I couldn’t say yes. Because, here’s the thing, I’m still not comfortable with what I want. I don’t like pain. I’m afraid of it. If I’m not ovulating, and so really slick by nature, it usually hurts a bit even when he just enters me. Butt-sex is like a possible world of pain and discomfort, if also mind-blowing. I was feeling kind of stretched out because of the (still unspeakable) side effects of the pill, and I didn’t know if I could handle it.

I’m fortunate to be blessed with an emotionally vigilant boyfriend. He has seen this before, many many times. My unsaid discomfort. My undecidedness. Me evading any responsibility of what is about to take place. Is this really what a liberated, assertive, bisexual bottom looks like? Umm.

He started to play with me with his lubed fingers. For the longest time, I laid there on his belly, listening to his breath quicken, soft moans rising from his throat, feeling his copiusly oozing dick against my cunt. Pre-cum always makes me hot, and it did, but his fingers which had found their way to my butt were making me uncomfortable. They were too slow and probing. I wanted more. I craved more. It was like I was on hold. He put the tip of his penis in me, because it wouldn’t go any further, and we played like that for a while.

Then it all came into a screeching halt. He asked me, and for his benefit I can say he did it without resentment, what did I want to do? I gathered myself and said, I wish you’d fuck me from behind. And added, slightly uncertainly, and you can fuck me in the ass, too, if you want. But then you have to rape me a little bit. (Yes, I actually said that. It’s hard to find words for what you want, isn’t it?) Well, he hopped to it.

It hurt, it almost hurt so much, that I had to tell him to stop. It wasn’t pleasurable in that sense, because I’m not a masochist, as far as I know. I migh have actually begged him to stop, but later he said that he just didn’t. He wouldn’t. God, that makes me hot. Because I’d said he would have to rape me (for me to enjoy it). So he did as he was told. And he said, he was worried, how I would come out the other side. And I was screaming quite a lot of Ouch it hurts, stop, please stops. We’ve become more comfortable playing, and so, he’s also come more certain that he could tell if I wasn’t genuinely (but all the more secretly) enjoying myself.

What I realized, when he was fucking me up the wall, was that it wasn’t the act of fucking me anally that sent shiwers down my spine and left flickers of light on the dark matt in my eyes. It was the dominance.

Ha! See what I did there? I’m so fucked up, I can’t even say it! I love it when he dominates me. But I never ever submit. No sir. Just goes to show, how my brain skips over the things I don’t want to admit to myself, even though they’re very plainly there. It was the submission that led me to two orgasms, and to carry Wonderboy over the edge with me with the last one. It wasn’t barely the sensation of his you-know-what in my you-know-where. This was news for me.

This post about rape fantasies, written by Rona at the Secret confessions of a smart girl, gave me a new percpective on the rape-play we’ve been so much enjoying these past few weeks. We’ve played like that before, It’s just been more to our liking now that I’m under the strangely liberating influence of the pill. I don’t crash so hard. He doesn’t have to worry what happens the next day when he leaves for work, and I stay here. I used to totally change my mind after he wasn’t around. I’d start to hurdle towards a big, fat, screaming traumatized flash-back and all the chilling side-effcts of that.

Pain, degradation, humiliation, sex that is focused on his desires instead of mine, the only thing that’s missing is the one thing we both feel slightly creeped out by – and that I, honestly, don’t need – the falsehood and misdirection designed to imply that I don’t want to be exactly where I am, when I really, really do.

Rona made me realize one immensely important thing. I take pleasure more in focusing on his desires than mine. I’ve always felt kind of empty and resentful of womens fantasies’ “narcissistic” nature, when it’s about getting licked, and petted and all their knobs being turned. I really only ever wanted to read, and see, men pleasuring themselves or being pleasured. Where are my menz?! I would cry out reading porn for women or seeing porn flicks that only feature one part of the male anatomy. I didn’t realize everyone is not like that. I didn’t realize it’s somethinc not considered inherently vanilla.

That’s why it’s so important to me that Wonderboy does what he likes with me. I want to hear his moans and feel his dick get harder. I want him to tell me how he just can’t stop himself. Come to think of it, that is where all this kinky shit started. When he discovered that I would come just like that, if he threatened not to be able to withdraw before orgasm. Oh God. It’s my ultimate fantasy to be totally at his mercy. At first I wrote “for him to be unable to control himself”, but I decided it’s time I try, if even in my writing, to habit the space I’m in. (It’s not the sub-space, is it?)

When he rolled off my back, I started to huff tears like a hyperventilating school girl. I was happy and exhilerated, and fragile. I had given him my all, submitted in a very intimidating, pervasive, hurting kind of way. And the catharsis came out as a cry. I probably howled a little too, but he’s too kind to tease me about that sort of thing. We kissed and cuddled, and I smiled through the tears. He asked me, did I have a good time, and I smiled and said I did.

After a minute or two of remeniscing, I asked if he could go down on me, and he did. In the end of that excercise, I squirted so that his whole face was dripping, and we had to put a towel on the bed to be able to sleep. Ah, the day-to-day plights of our life. I’ve almost gotten used to never having clean sheets. Almost.

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