BDSM, Love, Sex stories, Unanticipated Satisfaction, Volatile bodies

Tying People Not Parcels

We ordered the shibari bondage rope I was talking about. Besides Japanese jute rope Esinem also sells a great, professional and very enlightening double DVD called Japanese rope bondage I & II – Tying people not parcels. I can recommend it to anyone who is interested in rope bondage, no matter how far they are in learning it. This is some really amazing stuff.

When we first tried it Wonderboy tried to learn the most basic of basics – the column tie. The jute rope was hard and rough as we didn’t have time to boil and oil it and it hurt my wrists. They are very sensitive as I am all over.  After trying for a while my hands started to get weary, the skin was burning… and Wonderboy took this as a sign that I was bored and angry at him for not learning more quickly. We had a small chat about it and although we ended the tying then, we were left in a positive note.

When we tried again on Sunday I knew to say outright that I wasn’t bored at all, when Wonderboy wasn’t happy with his bondage. I offered my legs as easier to tie and easier to hold out for him to tie around. I also said that he could command me to not look at him, if it was making him uncomfortable. He did and after that everything went super well. He tied my legs, well my ankles exactly, and lifted them easily above my head by the rope. (Well, almost!) Then he came back to tying my wrists, just straight up in front of me, no funny business or anything.

And all the time I kept looking at him. (Except when he said I couldn’t. He did say when I could watch him again.) I took in his body, every inch, every twist of flesh and hair. I watched his expression, determined, wonderfully stoic in its concentration. It took me by surprise that I could fully surrender to that. It was perhaps the first time, ever, I felt comfortable to just take my female gaze and smear it all over him (thanks Perverse Cowgirl!). He was already tying me. I was free.

Free of what exactly? It’s hard to pinpoint. It was many things. I felt free to feel, to just concentrate on feeling the rope, the hands, the roughness, the light touches. For once I didn’t have to do anything. I didn’t even have to portray anything or be the object of his gaze. I felt free to look at Wonderboy. I… Maybe it was because I didn’t feel that he was vulnerable anymore? He was too, he was trying to tie me and he didn’t really know yet how to do it right. But he was tying me. And I was helpless. And it set me free.

So after a while… When he started tying my ankles together, I just… Transcended. I don’t feel it was even subspace anymore. I was enlightened with the feeling of total freedom. Freedom to feel everything down to its last breath. And it was like getting turned on from all over my body, all over my skin. I felt elevated. An altered state, but lucid.

And I was turned on. I started breathing deeper and then shallower. I think I trembled at his touch or the touch of the rope. He groped my breast and kissed me, his cock dangling flaccid in front of my face, because I was lying on the bed and he was on his knees. I noticed it. He wasn’t turned on by the tying. I noticed it, but for once I didn’t care. That doesn’t sound right. I did care, it just didn’t change my feelings, or the altered state. It didn’t take that away the way it usually does, because I really only want to see him turned on.

When he started groping me more, kissing me more, the cock started to get fuller, bounce towards me. He got turned on because I was turned on. A vicious cycle.

For me what came after wasn’t as important as this. Even though what came after was quite speactacular. It was what I’d always wanted, and still I could never have imagined the effect. How safe I felt. How taken care of. How cherished and special. How loved and how sexy and owned.

He said later that it looked beautiful. That the aesthetics were a surpisingly big deal for him. He liked the fact that he got to learn a new skill. He took the learning pretty seriously. That’s what made me trust him with it. That’s what made me feel free, in part because he wasn’t focused on me but he was still giving me what I wanted. For me it wasn’t foreplay, it wasn’t the point to get the bondage good and ready so we could fuck, when I was tied – as we did. For me the sensual exploration was the being tied for a time. Just being still. Not even waiting, just being.

I have a hard time stopping. I have a hard time just being. I always have a book or a blog, a tv show or a random passer-by to talk to. I had to stop there. He made me.

After being on this wild ride with him I was exhausted, I was bewildered, I couldn’t get my breathing in order. And Wonderboy… He was just like he is after any sexual act. Let’s hit the shower. That was great! I don’t know how I could get him to slow down for me. I’ve talked about it time and time again. I’ve said there’s even a name for it – aftercare. That I need him beside me. But… Since he doesn’t feel at all like I feel, especially when tying is not at all the same thing for him as it is for me. It isn’t as important, I think, or of it is, it’s truly different in significance.

He rambled on in the shower and while we were tumbling in the direction of the bathroom. He talked about what he liked about it, and he even had some amazingly accurate and even intellectual things to say about it. Bu the didn’t ask me. I tried to say how I have felt and he just rolled all over me.

I don’t know how I feel about that. I’m not hurt, not really. I’m just… He was so excited and that was good! I’ve waited for this. This is something I’ve wanted for years. But maybe I felt that he didn’t want to give it too much significance.

He did recognice that his dominance over me felt different, when he had tied me himself. There was the act of tying and that was part of his dominance but it was also something else. And he did say that we just got liberated today! Even the sex was different, so much different for me. My body totally surprised me in its reactions, my wanting to look at his face over me. Coming in a moment I wasn’t expecting nor feeling like it just because the dynamic suddenly got so real.

I think that this is something that saves us. It saves us when we are going through all the other shit that we’re going through right now, the stuff that keeps me awake now, that sometimes pulls us apart and sometimes together. The exhaustion, the despair, the sorrow. We have this… this diamond. It lends its light to everything around it. It takes away everything else. It makes me able to trascend when everything is about my body and how it is malfunctioning in its most fundamental job. It takes me to somewhere safe – with Wonderboy. That is some feat.

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BDSM, Coming out, Love, Male Lead Relationship stuff, Sex stories, Wonderboy

Beginner’s Shibari – Bondage with a Lighthearted Atmosphere

I went to a party on Saturday night. The main attraction for me was that there was a master of Shibari there, but there were also some friends and the subject was feminist queer porn, so I wanted to show support. Well, it so happened that when I went to the Shibari master to talk about my interest in it, she tied me up too! And what beautiful technique she had!

My friend took some photos of me all tied up with my phone and I couldn’t stop smiling! I was so happy I went, so happy I talked to the master and so happy I got tied up. It felt… exhilarating. It was so light, because this wasn’t a fetish event. No one was actually that familiar with BDSM, or if you were, you were quiet about it. There were no PVC clad women, no pressure to play out anything – and she was very matter of fact about it. She did give me some pointers, when I asked about the right kind of rope, because the one we have is way too clunky to do any real Shibari, really.

I showed the pictures to Wonderboy when I got home. I had been trying to convince him to come with me, but to no avail. I finally got my dear friend K to come with me, and since she has a budding BDSM fetish too, it was nice that we both got a little tied up, so to speak. Although I kind of get the feeling that she feels some jealousy of our ever thriving d/s relationship. But she’s very cool and open about wanting some of the same things and not being happy with how things are going with her boyfriend now, and I’m trying to be open and honest with her too, especially about the stuff that easily goes wrong and about the crazy feelings that get in the way sometimes. Also, she’s the only one I have told about our Arrangement and The Contract, so I could also tell her I could only get one drink and then be all lighthearted about it afterwards.

Wonderboy, on the other hand, still feels iffy about joining public gatherings, especially if it has something to do with sexuality. It was too much pressure for him to come into a situation like that…And I didn’t really pressure, because I didn’t feel that he had to come for me to be able to get what I wanted out of it.

But when he saw the pics, he did lighten up.

I really like those pictures, he said.

She’s holding a basics course on bondage, too, I added excited.

I don’t know, if I’ll be able to attend a thing like that… But I’d be interested to learn at home, he said and smiled that wolfish smile of his.

We’ve been looking at Esinem‘s site and his DVD guides Tying people not parcels and Shibari ropes on Amazon, and we are both pretty excited. We decided we’d get the DVD guides and some 6 mm ropes for a Christmas preasent for us both. And I have to say – this completely changed the way I feel about Christmas coming! We have been talking about using the free days to practice. I am so looking forward to that!

You can’t believe how happy this makes me! I’ve been trying to introduce rope to our life for years now, and only now does he show any interest in it. After I’ve already been tied by someone else. I have to say though, I looked pretty fucking hot tied up like that with my hands behind my head. No wonder Wonderboy took a liking to it! It’s just so different to be really tied. There’s the act of tying and the movement and malleability of rope in contrast to handcuffs and restraints. It makes me feel giddy.

I remember how it felt when Wonderboy tied me up the first time. How vulnerable I felt, how lost he felt, when I was at his mercy without a doubt. I don’t think that will be a problem anymore. Everything’s changed with all the stuff we’ve had to suffer through. It’s not so scary anymore. Nothing is.

**

On Sunday he commanded me to put on fake eyeleashes (with sparking pink diamonds in them!), my silver stiletto heels, my fishnet stockings and then he collared me. And fucked my ass. It was something I had asked of him the day before, but it took some time for him to be able to trust me. We haven’t done it since the treatments started. (So in 1,5 years…) It’s just been too much, too much of everything and too little of the hormones that make me want it. But I did now. He used the pink suade restraints on me and fucked my ass after he’d played with it a loooooong time with lube and fingers and tongue.

I was so present. I wasn’t afraid at all. I did what I wanted and asked for what I wanted. And he was less afraid than before. Although he did confess later that he had been worried about me and the pain I migh have been feeling. I did feel some pain, but I think we will get better at it from now on. Because the fear is gone.

We also came at the same time. How rewarding is that?

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