On Saturday I asked to be collared while we were watching a movie. Wonderboy obliged after I explained that I just wanted to be his pet, watch the movie and feel I’m his. This is something that I really want and finally we’ve arrived to an emotional landscape where I can ask for it. We have the collar. We have done domestic things. He has ordered me around without a sexual context as such and has seen, how I react. Has seen how happy it makes me. And we have talked about it. I could just say that it would be nice, if he would put my collar on and we’d just keep doing what we were doing. And we did.
After the movie was over, however, he ordered me to play by myself. I wasn’t exactly jumping out of my pants, but he did order it. I suspected that maybe he felt obliged to end things on a sexual note even though I’d said I didn’t need one. I wasn’t horny. I was tired.
As he left I tried to do his bidding (heh) like a good girl, but I was too tired from going to the gym and getting all cold in the snow. I fell asleep. After a few hours Wonderboy came back to check on me. It’s funny, how I react to his ownership, but I was actually very worried about disappointing him. I didn’t go through with his command, after all. He came to hug me and I came clean.
I was too tired. I fell asleep, I said in a small voice.
It’s okay, he said. You’re still my little baby girl.
I don’t know, if he got it, but I think so, because the next day he put the collar on me for the whole day. I just casually raised the subject of collaring once again and he put the collar on me with a smile on his face and without hesitation. I shivered and surrendered to his hands as always, when he puts it on me. Still, I didn’t await for anything. I had no plans. I just wanted to be his.
As the day went by I began to notice the irritating things about collars. They are clunky and in the way. When I tried to just lie around, it made me aware of it’s presence by choking me. I had to fight the urge to ask Wonderboy to take it off. I wanted to keep wearing it, but he wasn’t giving me anything. He didn’t treat me like his pet, talk to me in a way to insinuate it or grab me by the collar, all of which I’d very much have liked him to do to me. Just wearing the collar didn’t feel like such a thing after a while. It’s the same during sex. When he puts it on, I go limp and surrender completely, but after a while I forget it’s there, if he doesn’t treat me any differently.
He has a obligation too. If I’m collared, he’s the one who collared me. He needs to show me he owns me in small ways. He needs to remind me of what it means. Otherwise it’s just a piece of leather and a metal ring dangling from it.
Being collared and constantly grabbed and kissed through the day did lead to hot, steaming sex. He trained me to give him a blowjob of his life. Now he’s intentionally teaching me, not just asking for something. He lets me know what he likes and how, how he wants me to change things and how quickly. It’s easy to obey him, because I love him and I love to give pleasure to him. When I find a new way to give him pleasure, when I detect some little shift exciting him it stucks with me. I love it.
I don’t know why it’s sometimes hard for me to move on to sex after the blowjob. I’ve been so immersed in his experience, so intent on giving him pleasure, I actually have forgotten about myself. I’m usually really, really wet after sucking his cock, but I’m not prepared to be fucked. I don’t know how to explain it. Probably many of you wouldn’t expect a woman, any woman, to be done with foreplay after just giving head (that would be troubling in a vanilla setting), but it makes me more excited than anything else. I don’t much want anything for myself. I don’t want him to lick me or touch my pussy – for me it’s a cheap way to make the roads slicker, if you know what I mean? And still, I feel like I’m not ready to be penetrated.
Very often it hurts a bit no matter how wet I am. I don’t know if that’s emotional in a way or just plain physical and a result for not playing enough with me. I do sometimes feel… resentment towards Wonderboy for being very quick with hitting me and then expecting me to go down on him for the longest time. And then deciding to fuck me in the moment that’s best for him. I believe he only does it, because I love it too. And I think that if it was up to me we would never move on to penetrative sex, I would just keep on going at his cock forever.
I don’t know. Is that weird? I do want him to fuck me. Sometimes I even beg for it.
Sometimes I feel that I just get something. Not exactly what I need or as much as I need. But somehting. And I believe the problem is with me as much as it is with him. He just doesn’t really seem to view the things I need as sex or sexual so much, so performing them is really just performing to him. And he wants to get on with them and to the real sex, or so I sometimes feel.
We’ve talked about it. He said he needs to readjust his feelings and thoughts on what constitutes sex and he’s done so remarkably well. Especially since I’m still very poor at asking him for anything. But I think it’s me too, who needs readjusting. Just one day I realized I want him to hit my pussy. Real hard. Just one day I realized I actually want to be collared around the house. Just one day I realized I want him to treat me as his pet, sometimes. I want him to collar me and take me around in my leash, maybe feed me of the floor.
Do theses things fit into sex? What is it that I want in a sexual situation, after or before sucking his cock? Can I ask for these things? They seem so elaborate, so… Out of the box marked sex I have in my head.
But when he does collar me. When he keeps me like that. I know exactly what I need.
Past the Hurt 